Three Months Sober, Feeling Hopeful
I am going to be someone. I am going to live a life as a functioning, recovering human being. I will laugh when something is funny and cry when I feel sad. I will love and I will lose. I WILL BE LOVED. I will not allow anything to stand in my way or cloud my judgment. I will be strong for myself and for others that may follow in my footsteps. I will not give up for there are many wonderful things waiting for me. I will take care of myself first no matter the circumstance because I know that I am of no use to others if I am not well. I will learn to love myself unconditionally and focus on the issues that concern me in any given situation.
With these things ahead of me, and my past behind, I will survive. I will learn to surround myself with only those who share my hopes, dreams, love, and positivity for life and avoid those awaiting death with open arms and negativity. I will learn to accept my shortcomings and defects and how to live with them, not for them. I will replace the empty spaces with wonderful things to help myself and other women. I will learn to do unto others as I would have done to me. I will be happy and allow NOTHING to interfere.”
Clearly, I had some big dreams for myself! If only I could remember these promises every single day! Sounds easy, doesn’t it?
I am still totally imperfect, but I have learned how to forgive myself for that. I have even learned how to embrace those imperfections and help others by being honest about them. None of us are perfect. We all make mistakes. The difference today is that I have the amazing opportunity to see these mistakes clearly and learn from them.
I am so grateful for every single mistake I have ever made because they have made me who I am today.
Hitting bottom with the drinking was only the beginning for me. I have also found myself hitting bottom with other behaviors and reliance on people, places, and things. Because of the work I have done on myself, I have formed a wonderful relationship with a God that I understand. This is the most important relationship I have in my life today and it helps me as wherever I allow it to.
When I wrote that journal entry, I had the right idea. It’s not the lack of struggle that makes me happy today, but rather my ability to deal with them, as they come, with a sober mind and my friend God.
This post originally appeared on SoberMommies on November 5, 2013.
Julie Maida has been in abstinence-based recovery since May 2, 2000. She is fiercely determined to advocate for and connect ALL women with the appropriate support and resources necessary to achieve their personal recovery goals. She writes about mothering with mental illness at juliemaida.me.