I wrote this letter, not actually intending to give to my daughter (she’s only four), but as a living promise to myself and to her to be the best mother I can be.
You said you were afraid of monsters; that there was one who followed you when you brushed your teeth, tied your shoes, and made your bed.
“There is no such thing,” you were told. “Monsters are only in books and make-believe stories.”
Confused, you were sure it was true.
You said it was The Monster who stole time, and what should have been good memories. It kept you from going to the park, and playing hopscotch on a sunny day; while you were waiting for the ice cream truck. The Monster left you alone to play a game, but didn’t have time to explain to you how to play it.
The Monster took away your breakfast because it was angry. It didn’t listen when you had something very important to say; that your favorite dolly went missing outside in the rain, and you were afraid she was cold. The Monster didn’t care. It stole from you bedtime stories, lullabies, goodnight kisses, security, and the belief that being a little person is simple. But you still picked flowers for the monster – the prettiest one you could find. It threw them away and you didn’t know why.
Let me tell you why.
The Monster was too busy chasing something bad; something that was much more powerful than anything in the whole wide world. So powerful that It didn’t have time to show its love for you.
It’s not your fault the monster was the way it was.
You are as bright as the closest star in space. You are as beautiful as the ocean waves on the first sunny day. You are as sweet as your first taste of birthday cake.
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that even monsters wake up to the rising sun and moon as you and I do; that they too can change and grow to be bright, beautiful, and sweet. I know this because The Monster was me.
So for you sweet child, I promise to take you to play hopscotch. I will wait with you for that ice cream truck, even if I know it is not coming. My ears are yours for listening to whatever it is you have to say. I will never underestimate the loveliness of early morning wake-ups, soft kisses, big hugs, and busy days. I have learned how important it is to not only tell you I love you, but to show you every day how much, and how wonderful you are.
From here on I will travel with you through all your mountains and slopes, as I work hard to never forget that there are such things as monsters.
Love, Mom
This beautifully written post was submitted by Carly Craig.
photo credit: Sunchild57 Photography via photopin cc
5 Comments
The letter titled “There Are Such Things As Monsters” was written by my daughter, Carly. To say I am “proud” is just not enough. As I am sure, all of you who belong to this website know exactly what the families witness and go through day to day, minute to minute, year by year. I hope and pray that Carly and her lovely daughter, my granddaughter, are brought together again with no more fear of the ugly monster to ever rise up again. I love both of them with all my heart and soul an feel their pain as well as their joy. I just learned recently that when a mother gives birth, part of the DNA of the child actually is deposited in the brain of the mother. Imagine that? That certainly explains a lot. Our children are a part of us. Literally. I lost a son to addiction , Carly’s brother, her daughter’s uncle whom she never met, and do not plan on losing any more, thank you very much. I know you all as well as Carly will make a real life that is worth living full of love for yourselves. Take care of yourselves. Eat well, rest well, unite with nature, take walks, breathe the air, be grateful even when you feel like there is nothing to be grateful for. Find it. All my love and hopes for you all, Susie Falco. Carly’s very proud mom. <3
How beautiful, sad, honest, and hopeful. One of the items on my daily Gratitude list (a daily list I do with some other women in the program in my area) was my gratitude for “living amends”. There are those, particularly those closest to us and especially children, who have heard us say “I’m sorry” so much that it becomes a pain inducing phrase. The wonderful thing is that there is something we can do to show how truly sorry we are and how much our loved ones mean to us. We can change our actions and behaviors. We can do things differently. Although slow, over time this works and becomes part of who we are. I often times feel tremendous guilt over missing my sons baseball game and bedtime on Thursday nights, because I go to my weekly meeting where I have a commitment. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard him say “When are you going to be done with those meetings!” But what he doesn’t know is that my connection to recovery, the time I spend in recovery, makes it possible for me to show up to the other 2 games during the week and put him to bed the other 6 nights and to be present. Not only that, it’s important for him to see the unwavering commitment I have made to AA and recovery (even though every time he says that, it takes all my courage to not cave and to say “to hell with it”) Without sobriety and all of the work it takes for me to remain sober, the monster returns. Thank you for sharing this.
I am in tears. This really hit home for me. I was a monster. But not any longer…. Thank you for sharing this beautiful letter.
Powerful! Awesome! Thank you for sharing your beautiful words to your daughter.
I too am a mother/grandmother that went through this with her daughter and her own monster! So proud of her now…..been clean over 40 days! Her three children are going to meetings with her now.