I tried to get sober for the first time in December of 2014. I was miserable and hated myself and what my life had become. One Monday I found myself walking down a short hallway feeling like it was a hundred miles long. I entered the last door on the left feeling ashamed, nervous, and unsure what to expect. I only had a little over one week sober. When I told the room, no one judged me. No one told me I was an alcoholic or what I should or should not do. Instead, I was greeted by very pleasant women who offered me their support and kindness.
This was my first experience with SMART Recovery.
S.M.A.R.T. stands for Self Management And Recovery Training. It is a science-based program for people suffering with addiction of any kind. Whether it’s substance abuse, eating disorders, self-harm, sex, gambling, or even negative thinking. It teaches tools to help change your own thoughts and manage feelings and emotions while you recover. I purchased the handbook; which describes all the tools and has worksheets that I can use any time. I read some part of it daily. I found SMART through google because I wanted a women’s group. I was not looking for a program that focused on faith or religion as a foundation. I also wanted something far enough away that I would have no chance of running into anyone I knew.
I still haven’t got past the shame. I’m from a small town where everyone knows everyone and I didn’t want anyone to know. SMART offered everything I was looking for, and much more. I cannot tell you how valuable the tools are. Sitting down with an urge/craving, I can flip through my handbook to whichever exercise best suits me at the moment. I’ve learned if I sit with it and allow myself to feel all the emotions, rather than talk myself out of them, I can get past that urge without giving in. That is something major for me. Before, I would talk myself into drinking; forgetting or disregarding the tools I had.
Everyone in my life knows that Monday morning are MY time. The women’s group meets every week, and I’m hoping the Wednesday meetings are added back soon. It is a half hour drive from my house, but it is totally worth it! I will NOT miss my meetings unless there is a true emergency. My sobriety has to come before anyone else, and what they need to do.
The walk down the hallway has become much shorter. My fear and anxiety has been replaced with pride and motivation. SMART has completely changed my life. Connecting with other women whose stories are so similar to mine has been unbelievable! No one told me I had to follow their path, and no one told me I was wrong for the way I was doing it.
All pathways lead to the same goal: recovery.
My way may not work for you, and yours may not word for me. Whatever path works for you, when you find it, stick to it. If you try to take a shortcut, you may get lost, and no one wants to go back to that feeling. The ladies at SMART have been such a blessing in my life. They’ve held me up while I’ve crawled to the deepest parts of hell, supporting me through my 54 days of sobriety!!
I have everything I need to succeed, and I’m also gaining experience and knowledge. Maybe one day I can help someone find the way out of their own hell. I want everyone to find their light, their sacred self, and the Goddess that they are meant to be! I am grateful for SMART Recovery for helping me change my life for the best.
This post was submitted Anonymously.