Stop the Judgement: Laughter Doesn’t Make it Funny
I got really fired up after a recovery gathering last night. Like, beyond my usual passion for the recovering mother. In my community, there are a number of not-so-funny “slogans” that have become commonplace.I’m not into controlling anyone else’s words, but there is one particular slogan that’s “supposed to be funny,” and needs some attention. Our 12-step group gives out tags for clean time; to recognize and congratulate certain lengths. This is supposed to be a joyous occasion. For a while now, when the nine-month tag is announced, some can be heard yelling out, “pregnant with recovery, not by someone in recovery.”
I do not think this is funny, or cute.
When did it become acceptable to shame scared, pregnant women?!?!? I’m pregnant for the second time in recovery, but this comment made me angry long before. It’s not the pregnancy hormones that are upsetting me; it’s the fact that I was that scared, pregnant woman years ago. I found out I was pregnant when I was 60 days clean!
I saw people measuring the size of my belly and felt them judging it against my time free from drugs and alcohol. It almost caused me to stop going to meetings.
I saw people measuring the size of my belly and felt them judging it against my time free from drugs and alcohol. It almost caused me to stop going to meetings. I sat in those rooms blushing with shame when that stupid comment was said, and I WILL NOT allow anyone to shame a mother, her children, or a mother-to-be away from recovery.
I will speak up Every. Single. Time; and not worry about what anyone thinks of me because I do.
The world is hard enough on mothers AND people in recovery. We cannot afford to be so hard on each other. This is one of the reasons the Sober Mommies mission is so important to me. I never want my sisters to feel ashamed for being who they are, or afraid to enter recovery out of shame or embarrassment.
To the pregnant woman in recovery I say this…
I love you, because if I love you, I love me. I support you, because if I support you, I support me. You have a place here; no matter what. We will protect you so you can be the best mommy you can be. Most of all, I promise to never shame you; because we’re in this together.
Rachel has been in recovery since October 29, 2010, and she’s not afraid to speak out about it. She lives in Michigan with her husband and two daughters.