When I came into recovery, I knew I deserved to be clean because I needed it, but the other stuff that came along with it, the care and concern shown to me by other women in my new recovery circle I felt like I just didn’t deserve. My inner monologue was so terrible for so long I had told myself I was unworthy of care and love.
I deserved to be treated poorly. I was disgusting.
The things we say to ourselves…
Changing my inner monologue was perhaps the hardest thing I had to do in recovery. It took a long time and a lot of faith in the women around me to see the spark that they saw inside me. It took those little leaps of faith and belief in them for small moments of time, one day at a time. I allowed those women to fan the sparks when I just didn’t feel strong enough to do so. Today, I’m strong enough to not only keep the light shining inside of me, but also to fan the sparks I see in other women. That is where the true gift lies.
So, ladies, I leave you with this to write on your mirror because this is what those lovely women told me; You deserve recovery.
You deserve the love recovery has to offer you.
You deserve to celebrate every victory over your disease today.
You deserve the care given to you by those around you.
You deserve to smile.
I love you.
This post was submitted by Rachel
Contact Rachel via Twitter @racheltrm
1 Comment
Wonderful stuff, Rachel.
Changing the default voice in our heads isn’t easy…at least at first. Not that it’s a breeze later on, but it does get easier. Shifting perspective has been the key in my outlook in my new sober life, and that includes those voices in my head who like to steer me back to Old Paul and his way of thinking and behaving. No thank you. When I get those voices dogging me and hounding me about, I shhh them by remaining quiet, thank them for sharing and move on. Like clouds passing by the summit of a mountain – surrounding, yet not really touching, moving on, breathing past. Then gone. Before, I would have clutched onto that negative talk and made it true. Drank the Kool Aid and asked for more.
You are right, we are certainly worth it – all of us. And I think that when we get sober / clean, we are doing the first act of self-love and starting to change that inner monologue.
Thanks for this, Rachel – fantastic reminder.
Blessings,
Paul