I found the online support and sisterhood refreshing and learned there was no right way to do recovery. It was time to build my own box and fill my toolkit with resources that worked for me.
Category: The Stigma
stories about the stigma associated with addiction, recovery, and motherood
It’s exhausting to be in active addiction, you never get a break. You’re always worried about your next high; so much so, that you don’t even enjoy the high you’ve got. It’s exhausting keeping the lies straight, trying to meet new people to steal from, and trying to keep loved ones off your back.
I never believed that food was actually an addiction. I would find myself in halfway houses and long-term treatment women’s programs, binging and purging, med seeking to get medications where the side effects included weight loss. I was trying to starve myself and failing miserably every time.
I knew people who had been on for five to ten years or longer and their lives had not improved—so I did not see medication-assisted recovery as a way out of active addiction. In my vastly under-informed opinion, it was just a way to work the system and get your buzz for free.
I feel guilty because my addiction took from my enjoyment of parenting my first child. I feel guilty because even though now I have it together, for so long I did not.